"I went to Las Vegas last week
to see my mom's show which spans her whole career:
nearly four decades. Seeing her, I thought: Well
there is just no way I can compete with this. There
are only a handful of individuals of our time that
have had a career like hers, and have survived and
reinvented themselves like she has."
In the 1970s she was recognizable as the
adorable blonde daughter of Sonny and Cher. On Monday
nights, Chastity Bono stole the hearts of millions
nationwide with appearances on her parents' top-rated show
The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour. When asked what it
was like to be a part of that program, her response was "I
really don't remember it. The one memory I have of the show
was when we did a Tweety and Sylvester skit. I was Tweety
and I remember it because the headpiece really hurt".
After coming out in 1995, Bono built a career outside her
parents' shadow, becoming a leader in the gay and lesbian
community. Her work has included being a reporter for The
Advocate, a spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign
and entertainment media director for GLADD, the Gay and
Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. She is the author of
the bestseller Family Outing, a coming out guide for
gays. Now 33, Bono has written her second book, a memoir
entitled The End of Innocence, a very moving
autobiographical account of how a lost love led to this
well-known individual's path to self-discovery. In this
book, Chastity presents a memoir of what was probably the
most difficult period in her life to date.
Bono begins her story at the age of 23. Aside from
constantly being hounded by tabloids, Bono was trying to
establish her own career as a musician with her
then-girlfriend, Rachel. When their band Ceremony, finally
began to receive the results they had worked so hard for,
Chastity fell in love with Joan, who was not only 23 years
her senior but also a friend of her mother's. With her
current relationship on the line and Ceremony's future still
uncertain, Chastity followed her heart and devoted herself
to Joan's battle against non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
I recently met with Bono during her book tour for The End
of Innocence. Very friendly and down to earth, she
reminded me of the time I met her father, the late
congressman Sonny Bono, nearly five years ago. When I
contacted her at her home in Los Angeles, California,
Chastity was just as delightful and forthcoming as she had
been during our first encounter. The sincerity in her voice
allowed the interview to progress comfortably, considering
the nature of the questions asked. We spoke about her
childhood, personal relationships and future plans which
include a book that will span her childhood.
Nicole Malliotakis: Do you have a favorite author
whose work you follow and enjoy reading?
Chastity Bono: Yeah, I have a few. I really like
reading crime novels. That's my favorite genre. My favorite
author is probably James Patterson. I also like Michael
Connelly, Anne Rice and Patricia
Cornwell.
What prompted you this time around to write a memoir of
such a personal account?
Once I make the decision to do something and get comfortable
with the idea of writing about something, I'm going to write
it as truthfully and as accurately as I can. This story is
pretty personal, but the only thing that really changed were
the people's names. I try to be fair to the other people in
the story. It's kind of uncomfortable when you're not only
telling your story, but obviously that of the other people
involved in your life. I try to be as fair as possible.
Looking back on the success of Family Outing, do
you feel you have grown as a writer and individual since
then?
I think as an individual, I have, but not as a writer
because they are such different types of books. They are
both terrific books for the genre that they fit into.
Family Outing was a technically difficult book to
write, because it combined so my different peoples' stories.
To make it flow was a kind of difficult thing to do. Also, I
was trying to impute so many different ideas and guidance
without it sounding preachy or like a text book. That was
really a technically hard thing to do. As easy as it seems
to read it was hard to write to make it seem that way.
End of Innocence was real easy for me to write. ...
It was more emotionally draining. There were definitely days
when it took a lot out of me.
From where do you draw your inspiration?
I wanted to get both of the books that I've written out
there for different reasons. The first book I thought could
really help a lot of people and this last one had a lot of
personal meaning to me. I also thought it could be very
entertaining for people. With everything I put out, I want
to do the best job possible and hope that people enjoy it
and get something out of it.
What do you see as the most distinguishing trait of your
writing? What makes your writing style unique?
In both of my books when I am talking about myself I try and
write in a very conversational manner that is very easy to
read and straightforward. Both books are interesting because
Family Outing kind of spans my whole life, talking
about my coming out. Because I started when I was very
young, I try to vary my voice depending on the age that I'm
talking about. I try to create the voice of that age. The
End of Innocence all took place [when I was in]
in my 20s. As far as the dialogue, I don't talk like that
anymore, but I really tried to recreate what it was like
back then. I always try to write in a real straightforward,
easy, conversational way that I feel people can get into and
relate to.
I've read your father's book And the Beat Goes On
and I see some similarities in your styles of writing, do
you think your writing ability may have been inherited from
him?
My dad and I are very similar. We've always been very
similar so it doesn't surprise me that somebody would take
that out of it. I've always been a lot like him.
You were diagnosed with dyslexia when you were very young.
Have you ever found your dyslexia to be a challenge?
No, that is not true. My mom was actually tested and found
out that she had dyslexia and somehow it got out there that
I did, but I really don't. I ended up being tested for it in
high school and I actually don't have it. I had a lot of
trouble in school when I was younger, which I think is
mostly due to the fact that my parents used to take me out
of school to be with them on tour. I missed so much of my
formative years that I really had to struggle in school. But
I didn't actually have a diagnosed learning disorder. I
really think it had to do with not learning the proper stuff
at the time I needed to learn it.
You have said that when you were 13 years old, you went
to see the movie Personal Best. It made you realize
you had an interest in females. Did having Joan around help
solidify the realization that you were gay?
No, but it helped having somebody to talk to. I knew that
there was something different about me, but I just didn't
have the words for it. When I saw Personal Best I
finally figured out what the word was. I was absolutely and
totally convinced of it. I didn't need any convincing. It
was great to have somebody older and gay that I could talk
to about my feelings. She was really helpful, and probably
the only real adult that I had talked to [about
it].
At 13, was Joan your first crush, or did you interest in
other girls as well? Were you attracted to any guys
ever?
No, I had a lot of crushes growing up. I never really had
any interest in guys. I can think of maybe one or two
crushes on guys that I had when I was a kid and they were
all gay. [Laughs.] I wouldn't say that they were
feminine, but they had a real softness to them. I also had
crushes on girls from the time I can remember. Usually my
crushes were on older women, but I didn't know that they
were crushes. I just really liked being around them.
Joan was probably one of the first more mature crushes I
had, after I realized I was gay, where it was a very
conscious attraction. At that time I was just figuring out
my sexual orientation. Also, I was really hitting puberty
[and] was having more mature sexual feelings versus
the childlike feelings of really liking being around certain
people but not knowing what it meant. With Joan, I could
identify that there was a real attraction. There was a
distinctive difference between my feelings for her and the
other crushes that I had.
What was the initial attraction to Joan? Since you
basically grew up around Joan and this was someone you knew
for so long, I am wondering if it was a physical attraction
or was it that she cared so much about you, or was it a
combination of both?
The night that I talk about in my book -- where I am at the
party -- that was when it first hit me that something
[had] changed in the way that I saw her. After that,
because of the physical attraction, knowing that she was gay
and thinking that this is somebody that I can relate to and
talk to, we became really good friends. My feelings for her
ran very deep from a very young age. People who have never
read the book say to me, "you guys weren't even a couple for
that long why was it so difficult when she died?" It was
because we had this unbelievably intense relationship, that
if we had never become lovers and she had died I would have
been devastated -- absolutely devastated -- because she was
a real constant in my life: somebody that I could always
count on, was always there for me, loved me unconditionally
and a wonderful friend. I had all that with her plus I had
this physical attraction to her as well. The core of our
friendship meant the world to me. So when she died it wasn't
just like losing a lover that I had been with for a year and
a half. I had known her my whole life, she had always meant
so much to me and she was such a sacred person in my
life.
Is there anything that you would say to somebody going
through a loss like this at a young age like you had?
Yes, I would. I think that the one mistake I made during
that time was that I really didn't take care of myself at
all. All my focus was on Joan, so when she died I had
nothing. I had no support system set up for me whatsoever.
Here I had been putting all my energy into this person and
one day she's just not there and so I still had all this
energy but I had no idea what to do with it. I think that
had I gotten into a support group or therapy while she was
sick and cared a little bit about my own mental health, it
might have been a little bit easier.
When you first started your relationship with Joan, were
you afraid of how your parents might react knowing that this
was one of your mother's friends?
No. When I was 18 I didn't even think about my parents.
There was no way that they were going to find out -- it was
a kiss and that's it. Then, when we ended up getting
together, I was nervous to tell my mom because this was her
friend of many years. My mom took it great. I think she was
actually happy about it because she didn't like the
relationship I was in before and she didn't like the way I
was being treated. She knew what a great person Joan was and
she knew that I would [be] treated well and cared
for. I think that is all my mom ever cared about as far as
the women I have gone out with -- how they treat me. The one
thing that she said was that she thought it would be a good
life experience because of the age difference and because of
what she thought I could learn from Joan. Knowing Joan as
well as she did and knowing what a kind and sweet person she
was, she knew how much she had to offer me. Up until Joan
died it was an unbelievable life lesson for me in what
unconditional love is all about.
Do you think being with someone so much older accelerated
your personal growth and make you mature a little
quicker?
No. Not really. We were on a very similar level in most
areas because Joan never worked or dealt with adult
responsibilities. She had a real childlike quality to her. I
think, if anything, she got me to be less serious than I had
been before. She taught me how to really enjoy life. I was
already very mature for my age and if anything she helped
bring out the kid in me.
Do you think you will ever love someone with the same
intensity as you had for Joan?
It's really hard to compare. I spent a lot of years doing
that: comparing every relationship. I was such a different
person then, so young and innocent and untouched by life at
that point, that I could never have the kind of relationship
with anybody that I had with Joan. I am a different person.
It has nothing to do with the partner. I never felt so free
and happy-go-lucky with anybody as I did with Joan and I
know that I won't because I'm just not that person anymore.
I think that, in the relationship that I'm in now, I am
deeply in love and it's the first time that I haven't had
Joan there in the way she was in all the other
relationships. Prior to my relationship with Stasie,
whenever things got tough or were going wrong, I always went
back to thinking how great things were with Joan, and if
Joan were alive, this wouldn't be happening. I finally broke
that. It was really unhealthy and not fair.
How has Joan's death, in addition to your father's tragic
death a few years later, changed the way you value your life
and life in general?
It was really hard for a long time. I really had a bad
[out]look on life. For many years after Joan's death
I thought how messed up life can be. It took me a lot of
years to deal with and get past it. It didn't have the
effect of: Life is short so let me make the best of it. It
just made me feel: Life is pain and what's the point.?
How long did it take for you to get over her
death?
To get over the real intense pain of it took about a little
over six years. I've had two good years up until now. As far
as being over it, I don't think you ever get over something
like that. I still have the sadness about it. I still miss
her to this day and I still feel robbed to this day but I
don't carry it around with me in the same way.
What did you do or stop doing in order to reach that
point?
I finally stopped trying to mask it with things. I used
pretty much anything I could, whether it was prescriptions,
medication, work, or relationships. Work was a big one. I
completely focused on my career and shut down the personal
side of me. I tried covering it up at any cost and heal and
get the right type of support setting and the right type of
therapeutic avenues I needed.
Was it hard to write about such a painful time in your
life? Did it bring back any intense feelings of anger or
depression?
The thing that was really difficult for me to write about --
and brought back feelings and made me sad afterwards -- was
talking about the good times that we had. Writing about our
relationship before she got sick was much more
difficult.
In your book, you also discuss your band Ceremony and
your first record deal. Where did you get the inspiration
for writing your music?
At that time our greatest inspiration was probably the
Beatles, because both myself and Rachel and our producer who
we wrote a lot of the songs with and some of the guys that
played on our album that we wrote with, the one thing we all
had in common was that we loved the Beatles, so I would say
that they were probably the greatest influence of our
music.
Trying to establish your own career as a musician, and
being the daughter of Sonny and Cher, did you ever feel you
were at a disadvantage because you had to prove your own
talent out of their shadow?
It was hopeless. We could not get away from them. It's still
that way but it took me doing something that they haven't
done in order to get what little bit of separate recognition
I have. Every single article that was written about us
compared our music to theirs. Whether it was positive or
negative didn't matter. It was just opposed to my parents
and I always felt really uncomfortable with that, especially
when we were doing live shows because we went on tour before
our record came out and the only reason there was for people
to show up was pure curiosity because they hadn't heard
anything. I always felt like I was being dissected when I
was on stage and I never felt comfortable and never felt the
kind of high that I thought you were supposed to feel on
stage. Ironically, when I started pubic speaking and
lecturing like I do now, I do get that feeling and the
feedback from the audience I was hoping to get back then,
but I was always too uncomfortable.
How involved were your parents in your music career? Did
they ever give you an input, advice?
Not creatively. We would go to my mom for advice on the
business side of the record industry. She knew our producer.
He was a friend of my parents for years and years so I knew
him when I was growing up. We used to talk to my mom about
that a lot and also how to deal with the record company and
management. She was very helpful with that but we never
talked about the creative side of things. She loved our
music and was always very supportive of it, but it would
have been inappropriate of her to try to put her two cents
in and she has a good sense to know that.
As someone born to two individuals successful in the
entertainment industry among other things, what things do
you feel you've inherited from them?
Their drive to put out the best. I can't think of a more
eloquent word than guts. Neither one of them graduated high
school, and even if they didn't know how to do something
they would take the opportunities presented to them. They
never allowed fear to get in the way and this is the way
I've always been.
How do you feel the publishing industry differs from the
record industry?
You cannot compare the two. They are like two different
worlds. The publishing industry is great. I've worked with
two different publishers [and] the experience with
both was great, whereas the record company is sleazy. It's
almost as if they expect you to give them your first born in
order to play your records.
People seem to be very curious about your childhood. You
have stated that there are many misconceptions about what
your life was like growing up. What do you feel is one of
the more major misconceptions?
I am sure a lot of people get what I do but just on a
different level. Like if you run into a co-worker of your
mother's and they tell you how great your mom is. Or maybe,
you are being compared constantly to an older sibling or you
feel you need to compete with them in school. For me, it's
just that, magnified 100 times. When I was younger I felt I
was in competition with my parents. But I went to Las Vegas
last week to see my mom's show which spans her whole career:
nearly four decades. Seeing her, I thought: Well there is
just no way I can compete with this. There are only a
handful of individuals of our time that have had a career
like hers, and have survived and reinvented themselves like
she has.
[In the book] you mentioned that when you attended
NYC School of Performing Arts, other students started rumors
that the only reason you were accepted to the school was
because your mother bought the school new equipment. How did
you deal with this? How did it make you feel?
It felt terrible. I think what happened was I was sheltered
in L.A. New York was a different thing. I was in a NYC
public school. I was kind of a novelty. Once the novelty
wore off, I was just another freshman.
Were you surprised with how well both of your books were
received by the public?
I am very happy with the feedback. I am thrilled anytime
someone says they read my book and liked it. Whenever
anybody tells me I've inspired them, I am happy.
Can you see yourself writing any other types of books
other than autobiographical accounts, like maybe a novel or
biography?
There is a children's series I am thinking about. Also I
have thought about writing books on public issues or books
that can help others without my own personal story
attached.
Do you have any other aspirations right now aside from
writing?
Producing films. I would really like to see End of
Innocence made into a movie. Aside from that, there is
one project my mother and I would like to work on together
which may happen in the future.
I heard your mother say in an interview back in the day
when you were studying film at NYU, that you had aspirations
to become a director. Is this still something you would like
to do?
No. I would really like to do some producing. I have no
interest in being a director anymore. I'm just not a visual
person.
What about screenwriting?
Writing is a lot different. It's creativity. As for
screenwriting, not alone, but with someone, If End of
Innocence were to be turned into a movie, I would
definitely like to be a part of it.
You mentioned your plans to write another book. Would you
like to talk about that?
My next book is going to start pretty much where this book
left off. It will [begin] with my father's death and
go into my childhood. There has always been so much
curiosity about my childhood and what it was like growing up
with my parents. It's going to contain a lot of personal
material.
In your opinion, what does it take to be a good
writer?
I really don't know. I think writing is a skill you are born
with. It doesn't have anything to do with intelligence. I
believe it's a God-given talent. You either have the
aptitude for it or you don't. I mean, you can improve the
writing skills you have but you are either born with the
aptitude or not.
Are there any weaknesses you believe you need to overcome
as an author?
Not for the style of writing I've done so far. I've done
what I feel really comfortable with, which is, telling my
story by giving the most honest account of my experience and
how I remember it. I am pretty comfortable with writing the
types of books that I have written. If I were to write a
novel or something like that, then I would need some
assistance in putting it together. | October 2002
Nicole
Malliotakisholds a B.A. in communications from Seton Hall
University and is a freelance writer for various magazines.
She has worked in the media relations department of the
National Lacrosse League and Staten Island Borough
President's Office. Currently, she is negotiating a proposal
for a book on the entertainer Cher with a number of
publishing houses.
